It's A Wonderful Life in LA
by Grace Hightower
Summary: It's a wonderful life...in LA! Callen almost does something very stupid, but is saved just in time. What would the team's life be like without G Callen? Let's find out!
1. On the Bridge

A/N: Just watched a Christmas classic: It's A Wonderful Life, and I needed to write a fanfiction for it. Of course, everyone seems to write millions of these fics each year, and I thought I might try my hand at it. Please review, and I don't own NCIS: LA.

Chapter One

Rain was pouring over Los Angeles as Callen hurried down the sidewalk. Sam had offered him a ride, and so had Kensi, but he had refused both of their offers. He didn't know why, only that it was Christmas Eve and it felt wrong to take any more from them. They had treated him like family, let him stay in their apartments, kept him company. Kensi, Sam, Hetty…even Deeks had been nicer than usual as of late. But something felt wrong, almost forced. Callen was tired of their pity. He had never asked them to feel bad for him. _Poor Callen, never had a family, his sister died, nobody loves him. _He knew that they really meant, _poor loser, doesn't even have a family on Christmas. _

Callen stopped on the overpass overlooking the LA River. The water was coursing past, gritty and dark. Garbage swirled in the foamy torrents, the forgotten waste of a city of several million. Callen took a deep breath and leaned against the railing. He realized, quite suddenly, that he was totally alone. Sam, Kensi, Deeks, Hetty…they were all off with their loved ones, celebrating Christmas Eve. The dark water coursed past, and Callen felt a burst of anger. He could do anything right now, and no one would ever know. He could jump off this freaking bridge and nobody would know! They would realize later, sure, when he failed to appear at work. Was that all he was good for? Callen couldn't remember anyone ever telling him he was good for anything else besides undercover work. Granted, being a federal agent was no small feat, but it would have been nice to have been told that he was good at something else. Callen thought about it and decided he wasn't actually good at anything else. He gripped the cement railing and felt the insane urge to jump. He remember, suddenly, being very young and standing on a high building. He didn't remember where it was, only that he could see for miles. People walking by on the street below had appeared ant-like. And suddenly, he had felt the urge to jump. Just like now.

Before Callen could follow through with his insane plan, he heard a splash and a cry for help. Someone had fallen into the river! Callen didn't think, he just responded. Years of field work had taught him that in an emergency, there was no time for thinking. And so Callen didn't think. He just reacted. Before he knew exactly what he was doing, Callen had stripped off his jacket and jumped into the freezing river.


	2. What Comes After Death

A/N: Hi guys, hope everyone had a great holiday. I know it's getting late for a Christmas fic, but I couldn't stop writing. Oh, and I forgot to mention that I don't actually own It's A Wonderful Life. But that wouldn't really make sense, because it was made when my grandpa was a child. Also, some events in this fiction are fabricated. Since I haven't watched every episode of NCIS: LA, I don't really know all that happened. Please enjoy and don't forget to review!

Chapter Two

The water was freezing and murky. Callen couldn't see anything, but he felt his fingers brush against something soft. He grabbed what he assumed must be someone's coat and hauled them towards the surface. The banks of the river were slick and cement, slippery with water. Callen shoved the stranger onto the concrete and struggled from the water, gasping. In the faint glow of the nearby streetlights, Callen saw that it was a young woman. She had blond hair that fanned around her pale face like a halo. She wore a white dress, now soaked through and almost transparent. She was soaked and pale, but she was also wonderfully alive. Callen gently touched her shoulder.

" Miss?" He asked. The woman stirred, then sat up and coughed loudly. Water streamed from her long hair and her gaze was confused.

" Who are you?" She choked. She seemed taken aback to find Callen holding her upright.

" You fell into the river." Callen explained. " I pulled you out. I'm not going to hurt you, I'm a federal agent." He verified this fact by showing her his shiny badge. He felt lucky that it hadn't tumbled away into the seemingly endless depths of the river.

"I know." The woman sat up, using one hand to wring the water from her hair. " You're Special Agent Callen, NCIS."

Callen raised one eyebrow. He didn't remember meeting her before. Maybe she was the relative of a victim, or even someone he had put in jail.

" You work with the Office of Special Projects. Your partners and closest friends are Agent Sam Hanna and Agent Kensi Blye. You also work with one LAPD liaison officer Detective Deeks, but you find him annoying and immature at times."

_Okay, there's no way this is just some random stranger, _Callen decided.

" Who are you?" He asked, wishing he had a weapon with him. He didn't want to knife some random girl, but she seemed to know an unusual amount about Callen's life.

She gave him a small smile. " You wouldn't believe me if I told you, Callen."

He stood up, offering the woman his hand. She took it, and her skin was warm to the touch. Too warm, Callen thought, for someone who had recently been in an icy river.

" Try me." Callen challenged. The woman smirked.

" You're not a God-fearing man, Callen. You don't believe in magic, much less miracles."

Callen raised one eyebrow. " I have a good reason not to."

She tilted her face towards him. In the misty glow of the streetlights, she looked strange and otherworldly.

" I'm your guardian angel."

…

" Ha!" Callen let out a disbelieving laugh. The idea was ridiculous, of course, but this was getting pretty weird.

" My name is Clara, and I was sent from Heaven tonight to show you how much you are needed here on Earth."

Callen turned away. " Well, thanks for your concern, but I'm not. I don't have any friends, I don't have any family…you're an 'angel', you should be able to see how pathetic I am."

Clara gave him a sympathetic look, then began hiking up the steep embankment towards the road. Callen followed her, somewhat intrigued. When they had reached the side of the road, she stopped walking.

" You almost died today, Callen. If I hadn't fallen into the river, you would have jumped in and killed yourself."

Callen looked towards the ground. Now he felt ashamed at his rash actions.

" Do you know how much pain you would have caused if you followed through with suicide?" Clara demanded, putting her hands on her hips. " You do have friends, even if you don't realize it."

She stretched out her hand. " Follow me, Callen."

Callen nervously took her hand. Light and sound swirled around them, and Callen felt his feet touch solid ground. To his surprise, it was a cloudy afternoon. They were in a cemetery, the same one that Amy was buried in. A group of mourners were huddled around an open grave. Callen recognized them at once: Sam, Kensi, Eric, Hetty, Nell, Deeks and Nate. Kensi was leaning against Sam's shoulder, her eyes glittering with unshed tears. Sam's arm was around her shoulder, the ever-comforting friend. Nell was sobbing into Eric's shoulder. Deeks and Nate were standing with their hands clasped behind them, staring at the ground. Hetty was speaking, probably saying something about Callen's life cut so tragically short.

" No." Callen breathed. " This is my funeral?"

Clara nodded, a grim look on her face.

" Yes." She touched his shoulder. " These are your friends, heartbroken at your death."

The scene flashed forwards. The sky was dark with storm clouds. A single figure was kneeling on the ground by Callen's grave. It was Kensi, her long dark hair pulled into a hasty ponytail and her eyes filled with unimaginable sadness.

Callen heard her whisper something, so softly that the words almost disappeared into the wind.

" I could have been a second date girl. But only for you, Callen. I'm sorry I never told you." Kensi's shoulders were shaking, her head bowed. Callen realized that she was sobbing, leaning against the cold marble headstone, completely alone in her grief. He moved forwards, wanting nothing more than to hold her, tell her that everything would be alright. But Clara stopped him, lightly touching his arm.

" You're dead, Callen. You drowned in that freezing river two months ago. She comes here every week, and every time she cries. It's painful to watch. She cared about you so much."

Callen turned away. He couldn't watch Kensi's misery anymore. " What happens next?"

Clara hesitated. " You're not going to like it, Callen." The image of Kensi crying at Callen's grave blurred and was replaced by another: the bullpen. Something was wrong, something was different. A pretty African-American woman now sat at Callen's desk. As Callen watched, she and Sam stood up to leave for the night, saying goodnight to Kensi and Deeks. They exited towards the elevator. Deeks was sitting on the edge of Kensi's desk. He said something and she laughed. Then she stood up and gathered her things. She and Deeks began walking towards the stairs. He leaned over and kissed her on the cheek. Callen's eyes widened.

Clara gave him a grim look. " Yeah, they started dating a few weeks ago. It's been almost a year since your death. She needed someone to love."

Callen shook his head. He had always suspected that Deeks had a crush on Kensi, but he had never imagined anything really coming out of it. The image flashed, and Callen saw a wedding. His first thought was Eric and Nell, but the bride was taller than Nell, and with long dark hair. He realized with terror that it was Kensi. And the groom, the groom was Deeks. Callen smacked himself on the forehead.

" Are you serious? They get _married_?"

Clara shrugged. " Sure. Who else was she going to marry? I mean, she'd been looking for love for years. Working at NCIS put her in a dangerous position. She needed someone who would understand that."

Callen felt awful. He felt sure that he had been kind to Kensi during his time at the OSP. He suddenly wished that he had done more.

" What's next is worse." Clara promised. The scene changed to one of a small living room. Kensi was sitting in a rocking chair, rocking slowly back and forth. A small bundle of cloth was lying in her arms. The lamplight was soft, glowing. Kensi was singing softly to the bundle.

" Her baby?" Callen whispered. " She had a baby with Deeks?"

Clara looked sympathetic. " Callen Deeks." She replied.

Callen stared at Kensi. " She named her baby after me?"

" Deeks didn't like it. He thought it meant…well, that she loved you more than she loved him."

Callen shook his head. "No. She didn't love me. She thought of me as her brother, right?"

Clara gave him a long stare, then continued.

The scene blurred, and Kensi was sitting cross-legged on a bench in the park in Venice Beach. She was watching a small boy with fair hair playing in the sand.

" Where's Deeks?" Callen asked right away. " Not the perfect dad now, is he?"

Clara looked saddened. " Quite the opposite. He leaves Kensi when little Callen is only a few years old. He knows what she is hiding. There was someone else that she loved."

The scene blurred, and Kensi was standing in front of a familiar gravestone. Her son, Callen Deeks, stood by her side. Kensi laid a single rose on the grass by the gravestone.

" Who is that?" Little Callen asked. Kensi put a hand on her son's shoulder. He was no more than five or six.

" He was my partner. At the place I used to work. He was…he was my best friend." Her voice was thick with tears. " I liked him a lot."

Callen felt his heart give a familiar pang. " What does she mean, used to work at?"

" Oh, she asked for a transfer from the OSP when she divorced Deeks." Clara replied. " She realized that things were never going to be the same. Sam was never the same after your death. He'd lost men in battle, and Dom of course. But you were too close to him. He turned sort of cold. And she couldn't stand working with Deeks anymore, after he'd broken her heart. She transferred to the Seal Beach Field Office, but after a few months she quit. Everything reminded her of the life she'd left behind. She moved back to LA. Sam helps her, he watches the kid from time to time."

Callen felt a cold feeling growing in the pit of his stomach.

" No. No, that's not possible. None of this is possible. Sam wouldn't let my death affect him this much. Kensi is a great agent. She'd never quit her job. And she'd _never _marry Deeks. I mean, I know that he has this weird crush on her, but she's professional. Kensi would never date a coworker."

Clara raised one eyebrow. " Are you sure about that? Didn't you hear her crying at your grave? Saying that she was sorry that she never said how much you mattered to her?" Clara glared.

Callen was speechless. " I…I thought…that she…she never…"

" What? She never loved you?" Clara demanded. " She never cared about you? She cares more about you than anyone else. Family? Yeah, she loves her dad, but you're the one she cares about the most, the one that's closest to her. You showed her that you cared about her, Callen. All those times you saved her life? Sure, that was just the job, that was just being her partner. But there was something else there, wasn't there? Always…you never stopped caring about her, did you, Callen?"

Callen paced back and forth, knowing that Kensi and her son couldn't see him.

" Clara…I know that Kensi cared about me. I cared about her…I still do. But I don't ever think she loved me."

Clare fixed Callen with a level and calculating stare.

" I think that she would say something different. Love is complicated, Callen. Remember, love doesn't change a person. It changes itself."

Author's Note: Okay, guys! We have made it this far. Sorry to be hating on Deeks earlier in the story. I love him just as much as everyone else, and I think he's charming and somewhat endearing in a very shaggy way. I just had to make him a jerk for the purpose of this story. Please, please review. I refuse to be one of those pushy authors who demands reviews in exchange for writing because I write for the love of it and not the praise. Or criticism, whichever. Anyway, some reviews would be nice if you would. Thanks, and have a great winter break if you're still in school!


	3. How Things Ended

A/N: Thanks so much to DonStella, everhsort and krissy90210 for the reviews. Reviews motivate me to stop actually watching NCIS: LA and start writing. I still don't own NCIS: LA or It's A Wonderful Life.

Chapter Three

Callen smacked his hand against his forehead. He hated the idea that he could potentially cause everyone he cared about so much pain. He hated the feeling of helplessness.

" Fine!" Callen exclaimed, wheeling desperately. " God, I wish that I'd never been born!"

Clara raised her eyebrows. " Really?"

Callen stuffed his hands into his pockets. " Yeah. It would just take away a lot of damn pain that I've cause everyone."

Clara gave an annoyingly superior laugh. " Callen, you have no idea what you are talking about."

Callen glared at her. "Oh, yeah? Did you see their faces? Did you see her…did you see Kensi?" He almost whispered. " If I hadn't been there, she'd be smiling and laughing again…she'd be so much happier if I wasn't there. They all would."

Clara shook her head. " Wish granted, G Callen."

A warm wind swept across the graveyard. The sky became overcast and Kensi's figure shimmered and disappeared, Callen Deeks fading with her.

" Wait..." Callen stared around. His gravestone was gone, replaced with a small patch of green grass. " What's happening?"

" This is the world as if you had never been born." Clara replied. " What do you want to see first?"

Callen didn't have to think. " Kensi."

One side of Clara's mouth twisted in a sad smile. " Kensi it is, then."

She took his hand, and the graveyard vanished, replaced by the bullpen at NCIS: OSP. To his relief, Callen saw Kensi, Deeks and Sam sitting at their desks. There was another agent sitting at Callen's desk, a woman with shoulder-length blonde hair.

Sam was saying something. " You should have seen Agent Calloway take out that Russian arms dealer. Like a ninja, right Lisa?"

The blonde woman, obviously Lisa, smiled and laughed. " Sure, Sam."

" She seems okay." Callen said. It was strange, knowing that the team had no idea who he was. They would never know.

" But she's no you." Clara reminded him. " You'll soon find out why."

Callen's heart sank. " Why? Does something bad happen?"

Clara sighed. " It might be easier to just skip to the end of this one, Callen."

Callen paced, unseen out the doors of NCIS. Standing on the familiar street, he felt panic seize him.

" Why, dammit?"

" There's an explosion. A bomb. Nobody saw it coming." Clara sighed.

Callen's eyes widened in fear. " Who gets hurt?" He demanded. He saw the grim look on Clara's face and knew that it was something far worse.

" Who dies?" He asked. Clara just took his hand. Callen felt trapped and nervous. Actually, he was scared out of his wits. The familiar outside of NCIS changed to a sporting arena.

" The Colosseum? By the Natural History Museum?" Callen asked. " Oh, god…" He trailed off. He knew the dramatic events that had taken place there. Taking down the Russian mobsters with Sam while Deeks and Kensi took on a room full of lasers.

Clara gave him a nervous glance. " Sam and Lisa try to take on the Russians by themselves, since Kensi and Deeks are trying to figure out how to stop the lasers from detonating the bomb. But Lisa isn't as good an agent as you are…she's wounded in the firefight. Sam has to call an ambulance, she's passed out and losing blood. While he's saving her life, Deeks and Kensi are fighting their own battle. She's almost to the last laser and she and Deeks think they have a plan. But then the Russians come. Sam and Lisa couldn't hold them off long enough with her being injured."

Callen tensed. " But she's okay. She and Deeks get out. They have to. She told me..."

Clara gave him a pitying glance. " That's in your world, Callen. You and Sam were the best agents in that world. You're able to take down all the Russians and let Deeks and Kensi get out of the laser room. In this world…"

She was interrupted by the horrible sound of glass breaking and an explosion.

" But she said that the building blew up anyway…" Callen said desperately. Clara put a hand on his arm.

" Maybe it would be easier if you didn't see this."

Callen shook off her hand. He rushed forwards, sprinting across the cool marble floor and towards the laser room. His heart skipped a beat when he saw the destruction. The room had been completely blown apart. A Russian mobster was standing over two bodies with a gun in his hand. Both of the bodies were badly charred, but Callen knew instantly that it was Deeks and Kensi.

" NO!" He rushed forwards, but Clara appeared behind him and grabbed his arm.

" Callen, you don't need to see them. Really." He looked back, and saw that her eyes were filled with tears. She gave his arm a little tug, and the scene blurred.

Callen blinked. They were standing in a graveyard. The same graveyard that he had been buried in. There was a new grave. Six figures were standing around it, dressed in black. Sam and Lisa were standing with their hands clasped in front of them. Lisa's arm was in a sling. Nell was sobbing into Eric's chest. Nate's head was bowed. Hettie looked heartbroken. One by one, they filed away across the emerald grass. Callen saw the name on the gravestone. _Kensi Blye: 1982-2010. _Below that, in smaller lettering was a quote: _Heroes are not braver than an ordinary man, they are simply braver for five minutes longer –Ralph Waldo Emerson._

" No!" Callen cried, rushing forwards and dropping to his knees in front of the gravestone. Six roses had been tossed onto the freshly turned soil where the grave had been dug. He felt tears fill his eyes and realized that it was the first time he had cried in years. " No…" He whimpered. Deeks had been a good man, and Callen knew that he didn't deserve to die, but it was Kensi's death that had saddened him the most. He thought of all the things that had gone unsaid between them.

Several minutes passed. Callen stood, feeling slightly ill.

" I want to go back. Back to reality." He choked. " I don't want to be dead anymore."

Clara shook her head. " I can't do that. Only you bring yourself back."

Callen stared at her in horror. This was his worst nightmare come to life. His best friend, Kensi, dead, the team falling to pieces. Kensi…dead, because he wasn't there to save her life.

" Fine." Callen wheeled in terror and ran from the cemetery. He ran for blocks, knowing that he could never escape this one. He remembered something someone had said once, that NCIS had an agent who could become anything at any time. Except, he thought, the man that he wanted to be.

Callen found himself back on the bridge overlooking the Los Angeles River. He stared down at the dark water, his heard pounding furiously.

He thought of Kensi lying dead in that cemetery, of Deeks lying with her, of Sam and Eric and Nell and Nate and Hetty, of their broken hearts. And he could feel his heart breaking too.

" I want to go back." He whispered. " I want to make it right." Callen closed his eyes.

He felt a light rain begin to fall. He opened his eyes to find that his world was exactly as he had left it. The river still seethed beneath him, the city lights still glowed against the rain in the background.

" Callen!" He heard a familiar voice shout. " Callen, what are you doing?"

He wheeled around to see Kensi hurrying towards him. Callen thought that he had never felt such relief.

" Kensi!" He rushed forwards, and before she knew it he had swept her into a tight hug.

" Oh, God, I missed you." He felt her mumble something into his shoulder. She pulled away from him and gave him a narrow-eyed stare.

" Callen, you left the OSP half an hour ago." She looked from the bridge to her friend and back again. " Why are you even here? Oh my God, were you going to jump into the river?"

Callen let out a slightly forced laugh. " No!" He replied. "No, of course not."

Kensi smiled. " Good. I'm glad."

A silence passed between them. Then Callen spoke.

" You know, Kensi, I've been thinking. About the cases we've been through, all the danger…and all I could think about the whole time was you. And how if anything ever happened to you, my life would be over."

Kensi stared at him, her eyes full of wonderment. " Callen, you really feel that way about me?"

Callen was about to reply when she kissed him. Callen had found himself thinking about this moment, fantasizing about it, for a while now. But this was nothing like his dreams. Kensi wrapped her arms around her neck, and he put his arms around her waist and they stood there on a bridge over the LA River and kissed like it was the most natural thing in the world. And, Callen thought, maybe it was.

They broke apart after some time. Kensi's eyes were bright.

" Well, it's Christmas Eve." She glanced at her watch. " Oops, no. It's Christmas Day."

Callen put an arm around her shoulders. " Then let's go."

Kensi looked sideways at him, sliding an arm around Callen's waist. They had walked like this many times undercover, but now it felt natural. Almost more natural than being people they weren't. Callen thought that he preferred this much better.

" Merry Christmas, Callen."

" Merry Christmas, Kensi."


End file.
